Perceptive Hearts II: Chasing Tornadoes
by Jaye Reid
Summary: When you speak the truth, it shouldn't matter who is eavesdropping.


Title: Perceptive Hearts: Chasing Tornadoes.  
  
By Jaye Reid.  
  
Written: April 10 - 14th, 2002.  
  
Spoilers: Seasons 1 - 3.  
  
Category:2 Part Vignette  
J/D Romance.  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine never will be. Property of AS and WB.  
  
Summary: Donna POV.  
When you speak the truth, it shouldn't matter who is eavesdropping.  
  
Archiving: 'Boulevard of Misdirection'  
http://users.mcmedia.com.au/~jayereid/jldmmain.htm  
fanfiction.net and anywhere else if you ask.  
  
Authors notes: URGH! I'm busy... I don't have time for this! But wouldn't you know it, Josh, Donna wouldn't listen and decided they needed to do this. Same timeframe but from two POV's... Well I wrote Josh first... because he decided to tell me his side of the story before he gave Donna the chance. Typical eh? That is the order I wrote them in, and I think it does sound better in that order.  
  
Again, thank you to Bridget looked this over.  
  
~*~  
  
I know why Josh isn't an outdoorsman.  
  
When he was a child, his parents must have made him clean his room before going outside to play.  
  
If the mini tornado that hits his desk every time he's in his office is any indication, he got outside very rarely.  
  
I'm a tornado chaser.  
  
He'll be back from the Hill sometime soon. Well if he took any notice of his pager in his pocket he will. We have this thing where I page him an hour before his next meeting so he knows to start winding it up. I set his page to vibrate and dropped it in his pocket before he left. That way it won't interrupt the...  
  
Hey!  
  
Don't look at my like that!  
  
It's not like I did anything *more* than drop it in his pants pocket.  
  
Take your minds out of the gutter!  
  
Although it wouldn't be the first time I've had my hands in his pants pocket... there was the time he said he'd lost his keys and I *knew* I saw him put them in there so I just...  
  
Okay, you're not going to believe it was innocent so I'm not telling you anymore about that.  
  
So, he should be back soon. I'm sorting out the last of his folders and who should walk in the door?   
  
Yeah, her.  
  
Amy.  
  
Okay, so I sound a little abrupt when I mention her name.  
  
There's no rule that says I have to be nice to everyone. That group of elderly who stormed the building earlier this year is a perfect example of me not having to be nice to everyone. I just don't like Amy all that much, and it has nothing to do with the fact that she's the one Josh is currently sleeping with.  
  
I am *not* jealous.  
  
Where would you get a crazy idea like that?  
  
Well I'm not... really, well... maybe just a little.  
  
Okay... let's just drop the jealousy questioning right now.  
  
"Hey Amy," I say, because well, it would be extremely rude of me to not at least acknowledge her presence.  
  
"Hello Donna. I was looking for J, is he going to be long? We're having lunch."  
  
"You are meeting with Josh and Senator Rees for lunch to discuss the current amendments for the..."  
  
"No, I'm supposed to be just having lunch with Josh. Did he double book me?" she asks, and I can tell she's slightly annoyed.  
  
"Oh well," I tell her, "you know what Josh is like."  
  
"No not really," she sighs. "Why don't you fill me in?"  
  
Well... where the hell did *that* spring from? I'm almost at a loss for what to say, but I guess all these years of practice working with Josh have come in handy.  
  
"You're the one who's known him since way back when... you're the one he's... dating." I tell her. I almost said something other than dating, but hey, I didn't figure it would be polite to use that sort of language... even if I do hate her for being well educated, and pretty and confident and for taking Josh away from me...  
  
Okay, I admit it...  
  
I'm totally one hundred percent jealous of Amy.  
  
"I only know as much as he wants me to know," she continues. "He doesn't let me in."  
  
"That's just him." I tell her, and it is. You have to, I don't know - not necessarily earn his trust, that's not it. I don't know how to describe it.  
  
"So then, who is this?" she continues, stepping over to his desk and picking up a framed photo from it.  
  
"You don't know?"  
  
I can't believe she doesn't know. I mean, has Josh let her in at all?  
  
"No I don't. I'm guessing this is Josh, but the girl? There's a larger copy of this one in his bookcase at home. I figure to have a picture of him when he was a kid with someone - well..."  
  
"It's his sister."  
  
"Ah... I didn't know he has a sister, he doesn't mention her."  
  
Hang on, Amy doesn't realize...  
  
"Had, not has. She... she died not long after this photo was taken."  
  
And burning buildings, even in the movies still make him tense up. But I'm not telling her that.  
  
"Oh. He never said anything about..."  
  
"It's... they were close. He doesn't like to talk about it."  
  
No, Josh doesn't mention her much, but I listen to him whenever he does. He told me this cute story of Joanie and a couple of her friends using him as a makeup dummy when he was about three. Why did he tell me that story you ask? He had some lipstick on his cheek after CJ had given him a friendly peck for his last birthday. I made a crack about her shade not suiting him and he mentioned the story, saying that his mothers shade didn't suit him either after the girls had basically cleaned out her makeup drawer on his face. Telling me, well I didn't make a big deal of it, but I felt special because it was something he'd decided to share with me.  
  
"There seems to be plenty he doesn't talk about - the shooting for example," Amy continued.  
  
"We... he... Rosslyn and the aftermath... it's not a topic we, any of us here discuss in any great detail." I tell her.  
  
I mean from the little he has said, he only really remembers it in his nightmares. Any other time, well his subconscious has obligingly blocked it out.  
  
"The aftermath? His recovery you mean?"  
  
Oops! I am guessing by her question that she knows nothing about the PTSD. Hell, I would have thought he might have told her about that? Maybe he's not having nightmares at all these days? Maybe he doesn't have to worry about waking her up when he's woken in a terrifying cold sweat because his subconscious has put him back on that sidewalk or in his lounge surrounded by broken glass and blood. Maybe he doesn't have that worry anymore... or maybe pigs have learnt to fly?  
  
Yeah... flying pigs. If he hasn't told her, then I'm certainly not going to be the one.  
  
"Yes, his recovery. It took months and he hated relying on people to do things for him."  
  
See that was convincing. I didn't lie and I didn't say anything that gave away information about Josh she wouldn't already know.   
  
"I know you like him too."  
  
What! I look up from the folders at her and then I see a movement. Not in this office, but outside it.  
  
It's Josh.  
  
I can't see him directly, but I can see his reflection in the glass partition outside.  
  
What is he doing - listening in?  
  
Oh my god, how long has he been there? Have I said anything? Think woman, think... no... no I haven't betrayed his trust or any confidences here... This is funny you know, I'm worried about whether I've told his girlfriend anything that he should have already told her himself! And now she is telling him... well telling me that she thinks I like him too. Like? That's such an insipid little word. It's so plain when you are talking about feelings and emotions and people. What am I going to say?  
  
Okay, two choices. Lie. Continue to lie to myself that I only see a friendship with him. He boss, me assistant... yeah, that's one option.  
  
Second option is to tell Josh... well Amy exactly what I think. It's not like Josh can say anything to me about it. He can't fire me because, well... he's not technically here is he? He obviously doesn't know that I know he's listening in. If this is my only chance, then shouldn't I take it?  
  
Yes, I should.  
  
"Can I speak frankly?" I ask her and she merely nods.  
  
"You only like him Amy? When Josh gets involved in something - anything - he gives it one hundred and fifty percent. You're his girlfriend, you have to more than *like* him. I know Josh, and if he wants this to work between the two of you, he's going to be investing everything he can emotionally. God Amy... if you don't love him, don't let him think you do."  
  
Okay, there it is. What is she going to say? I think I know that Josh isn't giving them the attention he should. But I don't know if it's because of the job, or the fact that he doesn't want... I don't know...  
  
"J and I... it's not... well, it's not forever. Come on, it's not like I could really see myself sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with him in our twilight years."  
  
Not forever? I don't get it. How can you be with someone and not want it to be forever? How could you be with *Josh* and not want it forever? I feel cheated. She's taken him away from... well maybe I never had him in the first place, but the connection we used to have... I feel it waning and she has him in her life and she doesn't want forever?  
  
"Does he know that?"  
  
Oops again... that just slipped out. I have no right to question their relationship. I'm only the assistant, I...   
  
Oh my...  
  
She's nodding back towards the doorway; she gives me a small smile.  
  
She knows he's there. I don't know how, but she does.  
  
And she knows I know.  
  
This is just...  
  
What is... she knows... she knows how I feel... she's giving me...  
  
Okay Donnatella Moss, this is the chance - don't blow it now.  
  
"He needs someone to *love* him, not just *like* him." I say when I've finally recovered my power of speech from somewhere.  
  
"That's what you're for. You don't like him do you? You love him. You *could* see the whole sitting on the front porch watching..."  
  
Oh God. Is she just playing with me here? Does she really want me to do this? Is it so she can turn around and say 'tough... he's mine - deal with it?' Is this some humiliating game she and Josh are playing? Will they lie in bed together tonight and joke about me and how pathetic I am?  
  
"It doesn't matter that I love him - it's you he goes home to."  
  
See there. I've acknowledged my feelings but I have firmly stated that my feelings don't matter because he's with her. I've admitted the reality.  
  
I hate reality some days you know?  
  
"He doesn't come home to me Donna. And even if he did, it would only be the shell. His head is in this... the politics. And as much as it may surprise you, someone in this room that isn't me holds his heart. I'm not stupid Donna, I know it's only a matter of time before he figures it out."  
  
"If it isn't politics, Josh will never figure it out."  
  
"Donna, if you want him... look, I don't want to sound like a martyr here, but if you love him..."  
  
"What you think I should just tell him? 'Good morning Joshua, here is your schedule, senior staff is in 5 minutes oh and by the way I'm in love with you?' I could see *that* would go down well. My God, I don't believe I'm having this conversation with his girlfriend."  
  
"But it's the truth."  
  
"Yes but..."  
  
Okay Donna, what do you want to say here? Yes, but? But what? What can I say that could counter her argument that it's the truth? I'm having a conversation with Amy where she is telling me that she knows I love Josh and she is okay with it because she doesn't want forever with him. She thinks I should tell him I love him. The scary thing is that I don't think she's playing with my mind. I think she really means it. She is basically saying she's stepping out of the way to give me some sort of chance with Josh.  
  
You know, I've just realized that isn't really the scary thing here...  
  
The scary thing is we both know Josh is listening to all of this.  
  
"It's the truth Donna. Actually you know the first thing I asked him when he dropped by was whether you and he were dating. He said you weren't and that's obviously true... but you two have something... J and I... well there was no way it would have worked."  
  
"Amy..."  
  
"Just tell him. Anyway, I should go. As you said before, he must have double booked lunch. I'm gonna get going and have lunch before I need to be back at my office."  
  
I saw some movement in the reflection and I'm guessing Josh as decided it is time to move.  
  
He's gone. He's heard as much as he is going to hear, the rest is up to... well I was going to say him or perhaps fate. I'm not sure which one to hope for.  
  
"DONNA!!!"  
  
"DONNATELLA??"  
  
Ah there he is, I think he's at my desk. Well, very sneaky Joshua.  
  
Amy is smiling at me. "Do you ever get sick of hearing him yell for you?"  
  
"No," I smile back. I think we have an understanding, Amy and I.  
  
I take a deep breath, time to face him.  
  
"Must you bellow Joshua?" I ask as I head out of his office. Amy is following behind me. He's got this look on his face and his stance... he's trying to be casual. It's rather funny because casual is not a word I would use to describe him.  
  
"Well we run a country here, you should know to be at your desk when I arrive back from an extremely fruitful slaying on the Hill."   
  
I hear Amy give a laugh from behind me. Yeah, look at this supposed boyfriend of yours... this is what I have to put up with and you don't. Although, maybe she isn't planning on putting up with anything with him now? Unless of course I have read her totally wrong and she was only playing with my head.  
  
"J... fruitful slaying? Isn't that an oxymoron?"  
  
Oh... nice one!  
  
"Or just plan moron?"  
  
Ha! See I have a few of my own tucked away.  
  
"Hey Amy. What is this? Gang up on the brilliant political operative day?"  
  
I take it he had a good morning on the Hill. I wonder if he just struck a blow for the Democratic cause, or whether I will be needing to send fruit baskets to pacify angry members of our own party? But I'm not putting up with his ego on this all day... time to bring him back down to earth.  
  
"Oh please!" I say, and I shove him out of the doorway so I can get to my desk. I immediately pick up a file, open it before opening a new document on my computer and begin typing. This is the way to deal with the brilliant, political operative...  
  
Ignore his brilliance.  
  
"J... you seem to have double booked lunch. You really should have asked Donna if we could have lunch together before you asked me."  
  
Oh now that just sounds wrong on so many levels as Sam would say.   
  
"Oh... well, I'm not sure when we can catch up again so..."  
  
"Give me a call J," Amy says off-handedly as she heads down the hallway.  
  
"Okay."   
  
Okay? Does he really mean he will? I look at his face, it's sort of blank. I know that face, he uses it when he says one thing but means another. Maybe... oh hell, what is the time? It's...  
  
"Josh... Senator Rees..."  
  
"Yeah Senator Rees..."  
  
He seems a little distracted. Could that be because he was eavesdropping on his girlfriend and is Assistant discussing how his Assistant and not his girlfriend is in love with him?  
  
Possibly...  
  
"Josh, are you okay? You look a little..."  
  
"I'm fine... everything's good."  
  
Hmm... everything is good? He doesn't look like everything is good. He looks like he has too much information and isn't sure what to do with it. He's mulling over this in his powerful brain I think. I don't know what I should do here now... should I...  
Oh... no need to do anything...  
  
I've just been gifted with the 1000 watt, insanely gorgeous, dimpled grin.  
  
Something's gonna happen soon.  
  
Yeah - soon.  
  
The end. 


End file.
